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EldritchImagination

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#1
Many people say I have an Eldritch Imagination. Many people say I have a big di*k. Everyone says I say weird things. These are all true and more, so I thought, what the fu*k, and write them down. Every day, I go about my daily activities, groom my cats, chop wood, eat lunch, play games, and go for long lonesome existential walks through the forest. All the while, ideas both ingenious and stupid as all hell race through my head, overloading my human equivalent of RAM, and leading to my inevitable breakdown into insanity or ascension to transcendent reality. So before that happens, let’s begin with some things I think about that might be worth listening to (at least the ones I’m willing to tell you)


1.) I wish I could get hyped for things. I still do somewhat, but not nearly as much as I used to when I was a kid. People rag on getting hyped for games a lot nowadays, and for good reason, but that thrill and blood pumping joy of getting super excited for a new game release for something you love to the point where you stay up dreaming about it for weeks on end, where it consumes your every thought day in and day out, and when you finally get it in your hand, that sweet, smooth physical copy with the gorgeously printed box art you can’t stop looking at, and when you get home, you rush into your room, turn on your game system, switch on the TV and start it up, and just play till morning the next day.

Gosh I miss that feeling. I’ve grown far more emotionally tempered as I grew up, often what those who meet me call philosophical. I don’t get the crazy electric feelings I used to; now they’re more focused, controlled, and softened. I guess a childhood of learning from my mistakes and those of others has taught me quickly how getting hyped up and excited in such ways can get you in a heap of trouble, and do stupid things, like pre-ordering games you have no idea are actually good or not, or excitedly bursting into your neighbors’, Sam and Martha’s house party in your gimp suit because you saw “S&M” on the invite and thought it meant something else.

It’s not just leaping before you look, but covering your eyes with a blindfold full of images of all your hopes and dreams before you leap, and even after falling a hundred feet into the chasm of regret, believing in all your heart there’s a bouncy castle at the bottom. Hype is like that, like jumping off a cliff blindfolded; it’s a feeling that often leads to really, really stupid decisions, but damn does it feel good while it lasts.




2.) The thing I fear most, above all else, is the finite nature of life and all things. I hate it. All my possessions, all the people and creatures I care about, all the arts and creations , both natural and manmade, are doomed to expire eventually, both in body, and in our minds. It’s not death I fear, but the loss of things that comes with it. Animals and plants going extinct by the hundreds, never again to be seen in this world, Items that I treasure greatly, once worn away, can never be replaced. Artifacts destroyed, gone, history erased, knowledge forgotten, or never to be know in the first place. That is, I suppose, one thing I love about video games. All that is lost can be recovered somehow, nothing ever wares away that can’t be repaired or replaced. Everything is immortal, eternal, everlasting. And yet so too can games and other works be lost, forgotten, left to fade away.

It’s the main reason I hope that, when PS3s and Xbox 360s are no longer available, someone makes an emulator to keep the games alive. I’m not ashamed to say it. If game publishers aren’t going to keep their works available with backwards compatibility and readily available copies of games for those who want them, someone else will, and I wholly support them. Yeah there’s streaming and remasters, but that’s incredibly limited. GIVE ME METAL ARMS DAMMIT! What about the Sly Cooper series, and all the Ratchet and Clank games before the reboot, and The Puppeteer, and the old God of Wars? Are we just supposed to forget about them after the PS3 is no longer available? Fu*k that man! Unless they start porting all previous generation games to modern systems, or bring back Backwards compatibility, I have no faith in console game preservation.





3.) I have many weird things I enjoy. I will tell you one right now. I’m a bit of a pyromaniac, and enjoy creative ways of making fire. One of my favorites is the commonly known spray can and lighter technique. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, then you’ve obviously never had to make a makeshift flamethrower on short notice to destroy an insect nesting infestation that has invaded your mailbox and grown to a disturbingly large quantity. On that note, if you ever have to do so, don’t use bug spray, use bug FLAME! Way more effective and entertaining. Seriously, I felt like that guy who goes “KILL IT BEFORE IT LAYS EGGS!” It. Was. Awesome…………I probably should not be giving home care advice online via gaming forum.





4.) Cats really like to be in the bathroom with you
Have you ever had a cat that just can’t let you go to the bathroom alone? Why the hell is he interested in watching me take a piss? Is he protecting me from some sort of toilet demon, or maybe cats are analyzing us at our most vulnerable moments to find when and where to strike? I tell you now the president is going to die on the toilet with scratch marks on his neck, and an “innocent” little furball sitting in the sink casually washing off the blood on his paws. To test the dedication my cat has to watching me with my pants down, I set him in my room and closed the door to just a crack that he could open, then walked to the bathroom and closed the door the same way. Barely warmed the seat when he comes in, pushing the door open like a life’s supply of catnip is on the other side, then just sits there…..watching…..staring at me……..with my pants down…..then the weird sonofabitch walks over to his litterbox (also in the bathroom) buries his *** in the clay, and keeps watching me…..while we are both crapping. You tell me if it’s disturbingly creepy or oddly romantic to engage in synchronized crapping with your cat while blinklessly staring into each other’s eyes. Regardless, it is an indisputably intimate experience.




5.) Chicken in an egg
I like Chicken. I like Eggs. I like chicken and eggs at the same time. However, I do not like having a chicken as an egg. Despite this, I had the misfortune of having one such no longer an egg but not yet a chicken when I went to make dinner. I go to crack five eggs, one yolk, two yolk, three yolk, four undeveloped chicken fetus, five yol-wait what the fu*k?! Now I know that when you get some home laid eggs from your neighbor, you are risking this. Yep, there it was in the frying pan next to what was to nourish it for its remaining time in the ol’ shell, now going to nourish me in my chicken, rice, Lentil, and egg hot dish…….oh yeah, I still used the yolk.

I thought at first it was a half developed chick, but as I peel away the layer of membrane, I realized this was a fully made chick to be, legs with claws, little baby wings, and a small little head with eyes yet to open, and now never will. I couldn’t bring myself to eat it, a poor young chick cut down before it even had a chance, so I buried it in my front yard. Made me feel bad. When I went over to my neighbor’s house, she showed me her baby chicks, and one of them had a lame leg. Couldn’t even stand right and was the runt of the coop to boot. She showed it to me and said that it’s likely just going to get stepped on by the parents or suffocated by its kin or maybe starve to death because it can’t get to food and water or maybe a fox might come and eat it as a snack as one did last year to some other chickens or maybe the sheer terror of all the terrible things that can happen to it will just mercifully kill it with a sudden fear induced heart attack, and then I remember how life can be a b*tch sometimes.

I swear I just wanted to take it home and nurse it to health if it wasn’t for the fact I had two kill hungry cats at home who haven’t been hunting all winter and were ready to make up for lost time. Seeing this dead chick fetus in my frying pan just made me want to go right back over to my neighbor and take that little chick under my wing to make up for the sad event. Didn’t help that the yolk I used from the egg literally formed the shape of a damned chicken silhouette when I fried it. It was at that point that I thought I may be getting cursed by some sort of chicken god and I may need to see a voodoo Priestess or make amends by committing a good deed to chicken kind to appease the great chicken spirits in that big nest in the sky.
This whole event has got me thinking though. I have no quandary with eating eggs, I have no quarrel with eating chickens, but why does the sight of a dead chick bring about sadness and regret within me. I mean, the chick was likely already dead in the egg as it had not incubated fully under its mother’s warm rump and was put into the carton to eat. It’s not like I killed it personally. But still, it makes me question the nature of the human perception of our food, why we can eat the meat of chicken without any moral guilt, and fry their eggs without any sense of sin. Perhaps we should endeavor to look at how we treat chickens in a similar light as to how we treat other humans…………….I wonder what human babies taste like?




6.) Attack on Human
Speaking of little critters, my dad saw one of my cats catching a mouse in the yard earlier the same day. She had him right where she wanted him, right in front of her and scared for his little life. Whether or not I choose to respect the natural course of things and let my cat do it’s dirty deed or help the critter depends on what exactly it’s about to kill, whether or not that thing wrecks our stuff, and whether or not someone tells me too. At this point, it was a mouse, they can often be an annoyance on account of them getting into our cars and chewing wires, and making nests, but my dad suggested I go out and help it so I did.
I get on my slippers, walk out in my pajamas, and come upon a cat standing in innocent looking curiosity, and a mouse so still with terror I’d bet if mice had bladder’s it would have voided it multiple times already. So I pick up my cat and move it on homeward. After which, I go to pet the tiny fella, and that motherfu*ker ninja whips backward, tries to bite me like a snake, and then sits on his two hind legs with his paws held up and looked at me like he was saying, “Come on bit*h, I will **** you like I did ya motha last night”. So this guy was paralyzed with fear against my 10 lb prissy *** cat, but against a 6’4” human, he’s got balls of steel, Muhammad Ali boxing skills, and at least in my mind, a CoD Player’s vocabulary. I was ready to right hook that bastard until I remembered I was 6’4” and he was 2” and a mouse, and punching him as hard as I could would have made saving his life a pointless gesture, so I opted for the second best thing and chased him out of our yard, Attack on Titan style. And yes, I mean Attack on titan style, because before I knew it, I was reenacting the scene where potato girl was getting chased by that titan on all fours that became the “swigitty swooty, I’m comin for dat booty” meme. Just watch that scene, and replace the girl with a mouse and the titan with me and you’ll have a 99% accurate idea of what happened.




7.) Chick baby part 2

Okay, so after feeling bad for a while, I decided to go back to my neighbor’s house and ask how that chick was doing. Guess what, it’s dead. Guess what killed it? It died of a heart attack just before starving to death while being stepped on by its mother while it’s brothers and sisters where suffocating it with their fluffy bodies, and afterward it got eaten by a fox. Okay not really, but it did die the day after I held it in my hands, and that made me feel even worse about the whole thing. This is also a lesson in hesitance, and how an opportunity available one day can disappear the next, as well as how fickle life can be, and how life can so easily and so quickly be lost to the cruelty of nature and fate. Farwell little chick, may you flap your cute baby wings in the big nest in the sky………………….I would have named it Tiny Tim too.




Never kick a man while he’s down. Help him up, dust him off, give him a firm pat on the back, then kick him in the balls so he falls face first in the dirt in pain and betrayal……..then kick him while he’s down.
-an @$$hole
There once was a hunter from Nantuckit
Who was going to die anyway, so he said, "fu*k it!"
"I’ll hunt the beasts of Yarnam.
To get blood vials, I’ll farm them,
and kill them all before I kick the bucket."
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Nahztek-Shadowpath

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#2
Bus-ride, oh bus-ride.
The strange things I read because of you.
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EldritchImagination

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#3
Nahztek-Shadowpath wrote:You should start a blog. I'm not sure where, but somewhere.


I tried submitting this to the fextra blog, but Fexelea said it lacked a single ,focused topic. Too random.
There once was a hunter from Nantuckit
Who was going to die anyway, so he said, "fu*k it!"
"I’ll hunt the beasts of Yarnam.
To get blood vials, I’ll farm them,
and kill them all before I kick the bucket."
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Lich180

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#4
Hmm. I'd say it has a common theme of randomness, and the thoughts of the impermanence of things.

Also, thanks for kicking my existential crisis back into gear. I had almost gotten rid of the latest one, and now it's back.

Time to go pack up a house, get ready to move, and try not to let the existential dread set in. Don't let it set in.
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EldritchImagination

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#5
Lich180 wrote:Hmm. I'd say it has a common theme of randomness, and the thoughts of the impermanence of things.

Also, thanks for kicking my existential crisis back into gear. I had almost gotten rid of the latest one, and now it's back.

Time to go pack up a house, get ready to move, and try not to let the existential dread set in. Don't let it set in.


Don't run, just accept it. Let the maddening paranoia flow through your mortal mind
There once was a hunter from Nantuckit
Who was going to die anyway, so he said, "fu*k it!"
"I’ll hunt the beasts of Yarnam.
To get blood vials, I’ll farm them,
and kill them all before I kick the bucket."
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Lich180

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#6
You mean the ones where I think about the picture taken from about 69 million miles away, where the Earth is just a single, blue pixel in a sea of infinite black? All the human achievements, all our problems and worries and cares, reduced to a single pixel on my phone's screen?

How, after death, if there is nothing for our conciousness to go to, our constituent molecules and atoms will remain in this one, remote, insignificant area of the cosmos? They will remain unchanged for the most part. They will go into other organisms, other beings with hopes and dreams and provide some form of resurrection.

Our conciousness, though, what will happen to that? Do we join a greater hive-mind? Or do we simply cease to exist? What if we could upload our entire minds, intact, into a computer system, giving us a form of immortality? Would our computer-minds be able to comprehend what happened? Would we go mad from isolation? Would we use our newfound immortality to transcend to a higher being?
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qeter

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#7
well my reaction to the runt story was to give it a mercy kill as soon as possible. decrease the total unnecessary misery and all that.
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dn1nd

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#8
Lich180 wrote:You mean the ones where I think about the picture taken from about 69 million miles away, where the Earth is just a single, blue pixel in a sea of infinite black? All the human achievements, all our problems and worries and cares, reduced to a single pixel on my phone's screen?




With This In Mind And All The Catastrophic Cosmological Events That Happen, I Look To The Starry Sky With Horror. I Think That All Those Stars Are A Fraction Of A Fraction Of A Fraction Of What Is Out There.

Insanity And Incomprehensible.


I Love Life, I'm Not Afraid Of Oblivion Or Non Existence, As For Something More Than What We Can See Or Feel, I Will Keep Searching And Not Worry About It.

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qeter

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#9
just because humans and their works are insignificant now does not mean we always must be. our position here is fragile but it is fragile in both directions, we can change the structure of this universe just as we can be destroyed by it.
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EldritchImagination

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#10
qeter wrote:just because humans and their works are insignificant now does not mean we always must be. our position here is fragile but it is fragile in both directions, we can change the structure of this universe just as we can be destroyed by it.


Oh great, now this is circling back to the fickleness and finite nature of existence. Last thing I want to think is just how much worse humanity can make things.

Also found a baby turtle a few days ago. Took a pic but forgot to put it on my PC. Had a dream that night about a giant Snapping turtle trying to bite my @$$ off. Thing roared like Godzilla before coming at me. Worse thing is it came out of a real pond to kill me, one right in my backyard.
There once was a hunter from Nantuckit
Who was going to die anyway, so he said, "fu*k it!"
"I’ll hunt the beasts of Yarnam.
To get blood vials, I’ll farm them,
and kill them all before I kick the bucket."