Ask Kuebiko: Issue #2

Ask Kuebiko: Issue #2

Hi!  I’m Kuebiko.  An ancient spirit whose domain includes agriculture and knowledge.  I like to possess scarecrows.  What’s an ancient, knowledge spirit up to these days? Why answering questions for people on the internet of course.  And, uh…possessing scarecrows.  Send me a question about anything (details below) and maybe you’ll  see an answer right here!

Some great questions this week, ranging from lyrics to interspecies relationships (not that kind of relationship). Let’s get to it…

Emergence asked: “When Jermaine Jackson asked ‘Why don’t you do what you do when you did what you did to me?’ what was it that she did that he wanted her to do so much?”

Most people will tell you that this is an allusion to something romantic, like tender kisses on the nape of a neck. Or sex. Almost all songs are about sex. That’s what most people would say.

But I’m not people. And I just happened to be standing in a field outside of Moscow on a fateful January night in 1984. On that particular night I was witness to a pretty young thing who happened to be a fleeing Soviet defector. She carried something that would change the world.

And Jermaine Jackson.

About a month after that night, accompanied by heavily armed “escorts,” the defector attended a party with high ranking government officials and celebrities. She and Jermaine hit it off right away and it was to Jermaine that she finally confided what it was she had brought with her.

A bootleg pre-release build of Tetris. She spent the next few nights teaching him the ways of electronic stacking. It’s this wonderful period in his life he’s referring to. When the United States government discovered what she had, she was moved to a secure location. Jermaine never saw her again. The bittersweet nature of the lyric reflects her sudden departure and his pain at no longer recording high scores with his love.

You may have noticed that the next line in the song is “Love was so good that it filled up all my needs.” It’s no coincidence that “love” is comprised of four letters.

Just like every shape in Tetris

Do what you do

Revonwing asked: “Are Ravens friend or foe?”

This question is missing a “to whom” so I’ll respond in a few ways.

Are they friend or foe to each other? There’s a lot of research that says ravens engage in a lot of playful behavior with each other. As a spirit who likes fields and has been around for the duration of the species, I can safely say that those researchers probably could have saved time and money by just asking me. On the other hand, when food is scarce, ravens may compete with each other, which fits the “opponent” definition of “foe.” So both.

To other species? Pretty much foe. As opportunistic eaters they compete with just about every other species for food to some extent. Now, I know what you’re thinking. Heck, I bet we’re ALL thinking it. Haven’t I seen ravens engage in games with other animals too? Games like chasing things or the ever popular “let’s see if I’m faster than that predator.” And I’m not talking feeding habits, ravens chase and allow themselves to be chased purely for fun. There was also this time I tried to show one how to play Hangman. It got very frustrating repeating “you already tried the letter ‘caw’ and it wasn’t up there.” Anyway, I would debate that the animals a raven teases aren’t having as much fun as the raven. So still foe.

To people? Mostly indifferent. There are some situations where “foe” comes up but mostly from the perspective of the people. A raven nibbles some corn and suddenly everyone loses their mind. The raven just thinks you’re awesome for hooking them up with dinner. But back to the people side, that’s where my peeps came into existence. Not that crows or ravens are fooled by scarecrows for very long. People still try though. Current methods of raven and crow eviction include loud noises, lasers, lights and sometimes blaring music. Out with the raveNs, in with the raveRs. On the friend side of things, crows and ravens can recognize human faces. There’s isolated occurrences where birds have formed very strong relationships with humans after the person did something nice for them. Ultimately though, ravens are generally indifferent to humans.

Although there was this one guy they LOVED messing with…

Poe and Raven

JohnnyHarpoon asked: “In Pulp Fiction, are the bullet holes in the wall before the guy jumps out of the bathroom a continuity error or evidence of true divine intervention?”

Interestingly, I was standing in a corn field overlooking a drive in theater for awhile and happened to see this movie (without buying a ticket). Being a scarecrow has its perks. I happen to view this debate much like evolutionism vs. creationism. In that argument, it’s very rarely considered that both can be (are) correct. God(s), creator(s) or whatever you want to label it (them) created things that evolve. So both.

With Pulp Fiction, I’ve heard through the grapevine that there was supernatural/divine intervention at the root of this continuity error. Someone whispered in the ear of Tarantino to leave the “mistake” in the movie to allow for continued debate. Now I won’t tell you who I heard was responsible, but I can assure you it’s the exact kind of thing a spirit such as he would have been up to. It’s the same guy that told Spielberg to change the shotguns in E.T. to walkie-talkies.

He’s…not a popular spirit.

Don’t forget to send Kuebiko your own questions, and maybe you’ll see them answered next time. Feel free to forward questions to:

Do not send questions:

  • Via telepathy
  • To any other author, Kuebiko’s answer will be better

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Spirit by trade, Kuebiko periodically travels down from the mountain to inhabit and animate one lucky scarecrow. Standing around and observing the world has led to a broad depth of information and FextraLife is proud to have Kuebiko as a consultant for all mortal matters.

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8 comments on “Ask Kuebiko: Issue #2”

  1. Avatar Emergence says:

    Thank you oh wise Kuebiko for finally putting my mind at ease!

  2. Avatar LostMyHeadache says:

    An entertaining read!

    Thank you!

  3. Avatar JohnnyHarpoon says:

    can i ask more questions or do i gotta let other people have a turn?

  4. Avatar Kuebiko says:

    Thank you for the feedback everyone and you’re welcome Emergence.

    Johnny, feel free to ask away. I’m keeping a running list of questions so while I won’t guarantee anything regarding time, it won’t get lost

  5. Avatar Emergence says:

    Do I pronounce your name:

    I will writhe in anguish until I know.

  6. Avatar Kuebiko says:

    It’s pronounced "Leonard"

  7. Avatar Revonwing says:

    In our defense, Poe was deranged when we first saw him.

    Our little games did not ease his mind though.

    Loved this though.

  8. Avatar LostMyHeadache says:

    Monty Python: No, no, it’s spelled "Raymond Luxury Yacht" but it’s PRONOUNCED "Throatwobbler Mangrove".

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