Last time saw me being ridiculously overleveled and experienced to the point where I was able to breeze through an entire world in one chapter.  Hurray for expediting an end to the series!  With all of the areas being cleared at this point we’re down to the loose ends.  The “filthy” NPC from last chapter would likely have a great joke for the term “loose ends” but I won’t go there(1).

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 Let’s start this off right.  With the power of song!

 *Sung to the tune of The Final Countdown by Europe

♪♫ You’re reading together 
But it’s near farewell 
And maybe I’ll come back
To Demon’s, who can tell?
I guess there is no one to blame
We’re leaving Souls
Will things ever be the same again?

It’s the final beatdown
The final beatdown

Ohh
I’m heading for Phantoms and still I stand tall
‘Cause maybe they’ve seen me and won’t kill us all, yeah
With so little phantoms to go and things to be found
(To be found)
I’m sure that we’ll all miss Demon’s so

It’s the final beatdown
The final beatdown
The final beatdown
(The final beatdown)
Ohh ho ohh

The final beatdown, oh ho
It’s the final beatdown
The final beatdown
The final beatdown
(The final beatdown)

Ohh
It’s the final beatdown
You’re reading together
The final beatdown
We’ll all miss Demon’s so
It’s the final beatdown
(The final beatdown)
Ohh, it’s the final beatdown
Yeah! ♫♪

 

Now with that nonsense out of the way:

There’s not much left to do.   The plan was to check out a few Pure White World(2) Tendency events  an then on to face Black Phantom Garl Vinland followed by the rest of the Black Phantom brigade.

The order I went with was to take on the world’s Black Phantoms in the order of increasing “pain in my butt” factor.  Garl was the easiest for me the first time around I think.  Next would probably be Miralda.  Heavy weapons.  Open area (after I lead her along the walk).  Sounds like a Kiln challenge fight to me.

Satsuki will actually be next.  I know a lot of people think of him as the hardest but I’ve actually beat him in a stand up(3) fight.

Rydell and Scirvir will be tough to choose who goes first.  Scirvir was the recipient of the “shoot him in the face from the rafters technique” most notably and Rydell fell to poison.

I will also try my hand with Doran again but if it comes down to a battle in which the only factor is that his defense is crazy high I’m not sure I’ll put a lot of stock in this fight (4).

I’ll probably kill him just for pride.

After all that, there will only be one False King left…..

I’d estimate that’s just another chapter or two. We really are closing in on the Final Beatdown.

 

Chapter 15

The Gauntlet (5)

Before the phantom slaying begins, I need to prepare for end game kinda thingies.  Time to upgrade some stuff.  First order of business, I have a +2 Penetrating Sword.  Let’s go to +5.  You may recall I’ve done White Tendency pretty much everywhere except The Valley.  I didn’t get to impress Scirvir with my (wink, wink) Dragon Bone Smasher but oh well.  Anyway, long story much much shorter….I blackened some worlds and WHAMMY…..+5 Penetrating sword (6).  My Kite Shield +2 is replaced by the Dark Silver Shield (exclusively for looks).  I have plenty of upgrade materials.  What should I make?

In the end…..I’m doing this for fun.  I’m a swordsman.  Pure and simple.  Dark Souls gets a pass thanks to the awesome Great Scythe (7) but I’m a swordsman.

+10 Longsword?  You betcha

+5 Quality Bastard Sword?  Looking forward to you buddy

I decide to spend some boss souls.  The only weapon I make is the Blueblood Sword.  I don’t have the stats for the magic damage but I make it anyway.

Spells I purchase include: Soul ray, poison cloud, acid cloud, light weapon, firestorm, second chance and one or two more maybe.  Who knows, we all know I’m not going to use them anway.

So let’s get on with it already!

 

Round 1 
Garl Vinland: 
Number of tries: 0
Equipment: Don’t worry about it
Magic used: Evacuate
General strategy: Facepalm

Play by play: With the world in the Valley pure white I decide I might as well face the giant clubbers and get that weird spear thingy they’re guarding.  They used to give me headaches.  I think there’s a group of them up top.  All of that is true now still except for the headache part.  I slaughter them pretty mercilessly and take my latest weapon I have no intention of using.  Fantastic!

Then I head back to find Black Phantom Garl Vinland.  He’s missing.  I quit/reload.  Nothing.  I go back to the Nexus.  Nothing.  I check my world tendency and it looks like it slipped somehow.  I did go back to the Nexus after getting Istarelle (the weird spear thingy) and I assume that the server slapped me down a peg.  Crap.  The only good news is that I already punked out regular Garl Vinland and apart from damage and health, there’s really nothing new about the fight.  It’s a safe bet I would have won, the unanswered question is only how long it would have taken.  Oh well.  I have your armor already.  You shall live on!

 

Round 2 
Selen Vinland
Number of tries: 3
Equipment used: Penetrating sword, black leather (aka “Halford” armor), Dark Silver Shield, White Bow, wooden catalyst
Equipment changes: Longsword tags in for Penetrating Sword after Selen used a steel chair when the ref had his back turned
Magic Used: Light Weapon
General Strategy: Despite being great for your skin, the mud is not your friend…aggression is necessary

Having only been able to brutally murder Garl Vinland once instead of the two times I was hoping for,  I go for the consolation prize of killing his sister.  And I’m the good guy somehow.

First attempt- I head into the swamp with my Halford armor and poison resistance ring on.  I see her.  She doesn’t see me.  On goes Light Weapon.  Since we’re still in the Valley of Defilement and this one’s too easy as far as innuendo goes…..nah….I think you can figure it out.  Penetrating sword.  Attack from behind.  Do your own darn innuendo!  She gets up and is none too happy (about the attack, I have no idea how she felt about the innuendo).  I forget somehow that my shield is useless what with her shield bypassing sword and try to use it anyway.  After she has me almost dead I swing wildly to say “Back off lady!”  It works.  Huzzah for nonverbal communication!  Even an R1 stuns her. Interesting.  She rolls away.  I heal.  After a few exchanges I figure out that the best approach is to hit first. I have some success.  I get her down pretty well and she runs off.  And heals.  Crap.  I get her down again and she runs off.  I try to use the bow to interrupt her and she’s very good at evading.  Eventually she moves far enough away (I’m still hiding on her island) where she has enough time to heal without interruption.  I try to get aggressive but the R1 combos of the penetrating sword aren’t very good at damaging things.  They keep her off balance but it’s not a big hurt.  The R2 combos are better but as I fall to the ground dead it’s obvious that the stamina cost is an issue.  And they don’t keep her locked away from me.  She can power through the heavy combo thanks to small gaps between hits.

Second attempt– My shield is useless.  I will therefore two hand my Penetrating sword (8).  This is not much more effective with this weapon sadly and the R1 combo isn’t as good as one handed.  Especially not at stunning.  I go back to one handing it and the battle plays out similarly.  Except at the end I get the bright idea that if I chase after her in the swamp she won’t roll side to side so much and I can interrupt her casting.  This turns out to be smart.  However, it turns into a damage exchange and I can’t compete with the penetrating sword.  The biggest lesson I took from this try is that, as she’s running at you, and she will, it’s wise to hit her as she comes in.  So my lesson was timing this to avoid getting hit with her first slash.

Third attempt- I have exchanged my Penetrating Sword for a Longsword (which is shorter than the Penetrating Sword, just for reference purposes).  My hope is that this weapon (already at a higher base damage than the Penetrating sword) will be effective two handed.  Also, the beauty of the penetrating sword is stabbing and the R2 combo.  Neither of which seem to have helped a ton here.  I again get the drop on her. I cast Light Weapon. I two hand my longsword and enter they fray.  After my initial flurry of strikes she runs off to try to heal.  Lesson learned from past defeats I chase her and catch her with an R1.  She’s dead moments later.  With this death we also mourn the loss of easy opportunities for immature jokes.

 

Round 3 
Executioner Miralda
Number of tries: 1
Equipment used: Bastard Sword, Dark Silver helm/gauntlets/armor/shield, Black leather boots, wooden catalyst
Magic used: Light Weapon

Play by play: This one played out pretty much as expected.  She swings that weapon kinda fast but it’s too similar to the Black Knight Great Ax.  I could have easily avoided and hit her at my convenience.  I do try to get cute and parry a few times.  I couldn’t get that timed right but it’s telling that I had plenty of time to heal.  She’s just not that imposing I’m supposing.

Anyone up for some cliffhanger resolution?

 

Round 4
Old King Doran
Number of attempts: 2
Equipment: same as Miralda, Penetrating Sword tagged in briefly
Magic Used: Light Weapon, Poison Cloud, Acid Cloud
General Strategy: Try not to beat my head on a wall as it seems about as interesting at this point

First attempt- I go in without the cloud spells and see how much damage I can do with the Bastard Sword and Light Weapon.  It’s pretty sad actually.  I fast swap to Penetrating and go for the R2 since it has the buffed stab.  Also sad.  I do decent but a combo hits me and I’m done.

Second attempt- I’m really frustrated by the lack of damage he takes.  I walk in and poison him.  Get a head start.  While that one is burning off I repeatedly cast Acid Cloud on him. I figure if I can break his armor I can hurt him a lot more and I won’t feel like the fight is a marathon (you may have noticed I don’t like that).  That doesn’t work at all.  Ugh.  I go high risk and try to parry the fool.  I get six or seven parries and awesome stabs in.  Combined with the poison damage from earlier I’m in good shape.  Then he heals.  Seriously?  No wonder poison cloud is so popular with this jerk.  I’m pretty dispirited and get careless and he wins again.

I’m at the moment equating this fight to learning someone else’s song on guitar (which I pretend to know how to play).  I have the habit of starting strong then putting it down and never returning to the song.  It’s simple really.  Some things are real life magic.  Music is one of them.  Hearing someone else play a song anyway.  Once I start learning it, the magic disappears.  Especially if I know I can play it.  Once I face the knowledge that “I can do this” the magic vanishes.  It’s not a good feeling and I’ve mostly stopped trying to learn anything someone else wrote.  This fight seems like that.  I know what he drops.  I know I can parry him relatively well.  I can probably interrupt him from healing.  We’ll see if I feel like actually doing it at a later time though (9).

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(1) Ok I’m going there.  I assume the Dragon God has a “loose end.”  How else did all that lava get below him.  This explains his crankiness

(2) Not as racist as it sounds

(3) By “stand up fight” I naturally mean “much rolling around on the ground”

(4)  Yes that means quitting.  Sometimes winners DO quit.  Assuming I’m a winner

(5) Archer Elf + many speed potions = awesome

(6) Rare enemies spawn in Pure Black Tendency (also not as racist as it sounds) that drop the materials to upgrade my sword

(7) And really, in the end, isn’t it just a badass sword on a really long stick?

(8) Stop thinking that way pervert.  This is a serious battle

(9) Nope.  That’s right.  I made you come down about 4 inches in the article to see that answer

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